Being a family therapist, I see many families, and I am always amazed at the extremes parents will go to for the sake of their children. Children have taken advantage of, stolen money from, and all but disclaimed their parents, yet most parents are still making sacrifices for their children and holding out hope that their children will make amends with them. Of course there are parents I have seen who have given up on their children, but the overwhelming majority is continuing to love their children regardless of how they live their life or how their children treat them. These parents are doing the best that they know how to do and truly love their children unconditionally- regardless of their child's actions or beliefs. I will come along side of these parents, with the help of the Holy Spirit, and praise them for their unconditional love and come up with ways to help them manage and improve the many stressors they are facing. Unconditional love is powerful.
While I am amazed at the unconditional love that parents have for their children, I am often underwhelmed at the unconditional love that spouses have for one another. Parents will hold out hope for decades that their children will "love" them again, yet many spouses run at the sign of struggle or heartache in their marriage. I am convinced that if spouses loved each other with the same unconditional love they have for their children, thousands of marriages would be saved- and not only saved- but be fulfilling marriages! How powerful it is when I hear a story about a wife that was not fulfilled in her marriage for a very long time, yet she perservered in loving unconditionally and years later enjoys a satisfying, loving relationship. Other stories that touch my heart in such a wonderful way is when I hear of a husband whose wife has nagged and demeaned him their entire marriage, yet he shows her love regardless, and years down the road she realizes how blessed she has been and what she has taken for granted. Oh that we would give the Holy Spirit time to do the work that only He can do! I believe divorce happens many times because we are impatient and do not give the Holy Spirit time to restore our marriages.
I am by no means promoting staying in a violent relationship. Statistics show that 1/3 of marriages that end in divorce are caused by violence, and that is not the population that I am speaking of here. I am speaking to the other 2/3 of the population, and those that stay in marriages, but do not display unconditional love to one another. The stories I gave of the couples that showed unconditional love are amazing; however, many stories may not end up that way. Couples may die in which one has showed unconditional love without ever receiving it from their spouse. Although this is heartbreaking, the spouse that showed love sowed a field larger that anyone could ever imagine. Even though those seeds in that field were not reaped in their lifetime, they will be reaped eventually, whether that be by children, grandchildren, friends, co-workers, etc...
Here is a passage that most of us hear often, but because it is read so often, I think many of us don't let it sink deep into our soul. I encourage you to read-really read- these verses.
"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
I am reading it again, but putting in before each verse "If I love Josh unconditionally, I will be, or I won't be..." Wow- that made it a bit more powerful. If I am not doing these things, I am not loving unconditionally.
My husband, Josh, and I have been married for 5 years. We have wanted to wait a while to have children to really form a strong Godly marriage between the two of us. To say I have enjoyed being married is an understatement, and I am glad we have taken so much time for just us. I used to think ,"Before we have children, I want to make sure that our relationship is where it needs to be (which in my mind was "perfect") so that when we have children, we will be in a much better place." While I still believe some of that, I have come to realize, we will always have our struggles. There will not be a time in our marriage where we aren't struggling with something! That is normal, and I believe that is what God wants!
I have enjoyed reading Gary Thomas' Sacred Marriage. One part in his book he talks about God making marriage for holiness, not for happiness. Does marriage make us happy? Well, yes, but that is not what God intended marriage for. He intended marriage for two people to join together and draw closer to Christ. Many times that happens in our struggles in marriage. Marriage is made to challenge us, frustrate us, and bring us to our knees at times- that is right where God wants us- depending on him completely for ourselves, our marriages, and our families.
I am determined, now more than ever, to love my husband unconditionally. When we have children, I am determined to love him unconditionally MORE than I love my own children. I am determined to love him unconditionally when we are old and gray---I am determined for the sake of my marriage, for the sake of my children, for the sake of my grandchildren, but most of all for the sake of pleasing my Heavenly Father who loves me regardless of me! How I could ever choose to not love unconditionally.....
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